I'm sick. I've been sick pushing three days now. I'm not happy about being sick or missing work. To top all of this off the Kia died yesterday on the way home from Danielle and Kris's baby shower. Was not pleased with the behavior of the Kia. I'm a bit saddened about the financial impact that the Kia repairs may have mostly because I took a HUGE cut in pay by changing to day shift. I have not quite toned down our budget and expenses yet but I guess the Kia break down is God's little way of nudging us in the right direction.
On another note the shower was spectacular. A bit stressful pulling it all together, but I didn't show it, quite as much this time. Apparently there were tons of compliments that Danielle's mom Karen received as well as Danielle. I truly do love how it all turned out for Kris and Danielle, quite stunningly amazing in appearance but warming on the inside knowing that everyone truly enjoyed themselves. I will have to blog the photos on a later date.
Ugh. I'm not happy about this sinus infection.
On another note I feel that my life and health is coming along quite well despite the obvious little sidetrack illness. There are a few more tweaks that I must make before becoming pregnant. As far as other situations go I truly am back at wanting to be alone again. Although nice that things are supppossedly hunky dorey, they really are not. I'm not happy with certain things and I do possess the knowledge that only I can change them. I do believe there are going to be some more rather not so modest transformations in certain areas of my life again over the next few months. Time and tiny tests have proven the following:
- People can change, but if they don't want to they don't really change that much.
- Motives tell the truth even if the person doesn't, and are usually easy to see if looking in the right places.
- Some people say they do for others but really are truly self serving, and it shows.
- Being sweet and nice does not erase sefishness.
- There are some people that will go above and beyond for you but only when it serves them.
- People will try the same things over and over and expect different results, its called insanity.
- Sometimes when you realize the true value of a friend its too late.
- I will only be taken advantage of and walked on so much, and believe me just because I dont bitch about it doesn't mean I don't feel it.
- Its not my responsibility to pull your head out of your ass for you.
- People have been made aware of my breaking points, if they want to push me to that point they also no there is no going back.
- Excuses only hold up for so long before they wear off and I realize that it's character that is flawed.
I'm not testing persay but I'm truly allowing others in my life to reveal who they truly are and thus far it really is not pretty. Actually quite disheartening, for them anyway. As I have stated before, I'm working on true friendships. Now that all of the disguises have been ripped away it is quite easy to see the priorities of others. Slightly revolting and shocking, but true that the devil does wear sheeps clothing.
Sunday, February 22
Sunday, February 15
Another
Yes I know...yet another rant. This time its a fun one. Everyone that knows me should know that I do not really like name brand products. I would never buy an article of clothing because of the designer or the name brand. There is however one exception, well three actually. Those exceptions are Billabong, Reef and Oneill products. I adore water sports, namely surfing, swimming and diving (SCUBA). The fashion culture associated with these activities is usually one that is comfortable and casual while being sly and possessing the ability to pull off "a look" without trying to hard. You see these activities require one to be at the mercy of mother nature and the conditions that she presents for us. We have no influence over optimizing the conditions so therefore we must have the ability to up and go when she says so if we don't want to miss an oppurtunity that she affords us.
Over the years I have partially adopted this lifestyle and sense of fashion. Mainly I stick closer to this life style during the summer and fall months because I'm not what one would consider "hard core."
I have been purchasing and doning Billabong products for close to 20 years now. Over the last 10 or so years I have found the true benefits in these items. Most of the Billabong clothing I wear is easy to put on an incorporate into a look as well as easy to wash and maintain.
These vain reasons alone are not the only reason I feel good about purchasing these products and supporting these companies. All three of these companies work in conjunction with Surfaid International. Also all three of these corporations work in conjunction with other projects and non profit organizations that benefit us on a global level. Oneill is associated with Project Blue (look it up) Billabong is associated with (Design for Humanity and Surfaid International) and Reef has recentely paired up with Rob Machado, Ben Bourgeois, and Jeremy Sherwin to support (Reef Redemption, look it up as well)
I was in Sport Chalet yesterday purchasing cletes for Erik's new football adventures when I came across this season's Billabong line. Awwww soooo in love. I'm highly considering adding these summer essentials to my collection, they are all easy on easy off and don't mind getting wet!
Over the years I have partially adopted this lifestyle and sense of fashion. Mainly I stick closer to this life style during the summer and fall months because I'm not what one would consider "hard core."
I have been purchasing and doning Billabong products for close to 20 years now. Over the last 10 or so years I have found the true benefits in these items. Most of the Billabong clothing I wear is easy to put on an incorporate into a look as well as easy to wash and maintain.
These vain reasons alone are not the only reason I feel good about purchasing these products and supporting these companies. All three of these companies work in conjunction with Surfaid International. Also all three of these corporations work in conjunction with other projects and non profit organizations that benefit us on a global level. Oneill is associated with Project Blue (look it up) Billabong is associated with (Design for Humanity and Surfaid International) and Reef has recentely paired up with Rob Machado, Ben Bourgeois, and Jeremy Sherwin to support (Reef Redemption, look it up as well)
I was in Sport Chalet yesterday purchasing cletes for Erik's new football adventures when I came across this season's Billabong line. Awwww soooo in love. I'm highly considering adding these summer essentials to my collection, they are all easy on easy off and don't mind getting wet!
Tuesday, February 10
Affair
We travel to Hawaii at least once a year. We are planning on traveling to the Caribbean this year, currently browsing Aruba and Jamaica. Today I had given myself to housework and as a reward decided to spend the last few hours treating myself to one of my most favorite adventures, a trip to the bookstore.
I originally went to the bookstore to research a music theory book. (sidenote, I'm reviewing music theory so that I can teach myself guitar all over again) After looking through the music theory books, and deciding to purchase one from half.com, I decided it could not hurt to pop into the international travel section to further my research on the Caribbean. On my way, I noticed the large array of California activity, and adventure based books. I made a personal note of that section and proceeded to my paper daydream island getaway guides. The Jamaica books taught me alot in the forty or so minutes I spent browsing through them. Most of the information furthered my yearning to explore the island. I look for quality of dive beaches, quality of beaches to relax on, quality of resorts with swimming pools, quality and quantity of NATIVE and unique foods, and safety and quantity of non guided adventures including hiking, climbing, and exploring. I don't really care about guided tours, museums, shopping or nightlife, those things are NOT what Erik and I do on vacation. Anyhow Jamacia has a plethora of satisfactory oppurtunites to feed my desires.
On my way back out of the bookstore I stopped in the California section. There I discovered that there are many adventures in my own home towns that I have never even experienced. I was suddenly ashamed that I wished to spend money, time and resources traveling to other countries when I had not even got to know my own. I felt as if I was cheating on California! How could I? After spending an additional ninety minutes in the bookstore I had added a laundry list of places and adventures that I had not yet experienced all within sixty miles of home. This collection astonished me! My parents had traveled my brother and I all over the, U.S. and I thought all over CA as well, but appraently there was a lot that got missed. I did wind up purchasing one book which was 101 hikes in Southern California. In that book alone there are over 40 waterfalls that I have not hiked to in California, some much grander than the waterfalls that we have hiked to on the Hawaiian islands!
My dance with the California Information section of the bookstore had left me awestruck. Dare I say that I will not hold myself back from having an affair. I believe that my love with the state that I call "home" has just begin to blossom.
This Year I Plan Too:
Camp (again) at El Capitan
Hike to at least 10 Waterfalls
Visit the Huntington Library
Visit the Getty Museum
Do more SCUBA Diving
Visit the Channel Islands
Visit more Cultural Festivals in Nearby Cities
Camp in the Desert
As appealing as Jamacia might sound, I'm not sure if I will be able to get to it within the 2009 year. I love my tropical islands, my beaches, my fishes, and the warm sunshine but I believe that I have been neglecting something that I love more than anything...my home.
I originally went to the bookstore to research a music theory book. (sidenote, I'm reviewing music theory so that I can teach myself guitar all over again) After looking through the music theory books, and deciding to purchase one from half.com, I decided it could not hurt to pop into the international travel section to further my research on the Caribbean. On my way, I noticed the large array of California activity, and adventure based books. I made a personal note of that section and proceeded to my paper daydream island getaway guides. The Jamaica books taught me alot in the forty or so minutes I spent browsing through them. Most of the information furthered my yearning to explore the island. I look for quality of dive beaches, quality of beaches to relax on, quality of resorts with swimming pools, quality and quantity of NATIVE and unique foods, and safety and quantity of non guided adventures including hiking, climbing, and exploring. I don't really care about guided tours, museums, shopping or nightlife, those things are NOT what Erik and I do on vacation. Anyhow Jamacia has a plethora of satisfactory oppurtunites to feed my desires.
On my way back out of the bookstore I stopped in the California section. There I discovered that there are many adventures in my own home towns that I have never even experienced. I was suddenly ashamed that I wished to spend money, time and resources traveling to other countries when I had not even got to know my own. I felt as if I was cheating on California! How could I? After spending an additional ninety minutes in the bookstore I had added a laundry list of places and adventures that I had not yet experienced all within sixty miles of home. This collection astonished me! My parents had traveled my brother and I all over the, U.S. and I thought all over CA as well, but appraently there was a lot that got missed. I did wind up purchasing one book which was 101 hikes in Southern California. In that book alone there are over 40 waterfalls that I have not hiked to in California, some much grander than the waterfalls that we have hiked to on the Hawaiian islands!
My dance with the California Information section of the bookstore had left me awestruck. Dare I say that I will not hold myself back from having an affair. I believe that my love with the state that I call "home" has just begin to blossom.
This Year I Plan Too:
Camp (again) at El Capitan
Hike to at least 10 Waterfalls
Visit the Huntington Library
Visit the Getty Museum
Do more SCUBA Diving
Visit the Channel Islands
Visit more Cultural Festivals in Nearby Cities
Camp in the Desert
As appealing as Jamacia might sound, I'm not sure if I will be able to get to it within the 2009 year. I love my tropical islands, my beaches, my fishes, and the warm sunshine but I believe that I have been neglecting something that I love more than anything...my home.
Saturday, February 7
Wisdom
For years I have been trying to drive into my Mother's head that she needs to not just hear me but she needs to LISTEN to me in order to truly understand me. Today the phone rings. I answer, and it is my mother. She starts to speak to me about how upset she is that she feels that my generation is being cheated by the state of economic affairs. She is upset that she has devoted her life to the upbringing of my brother and I and her and my father have sacraficed financially for my well being. He voice begins to raise and her statements a bit more and more fury filled. Finally she asks my opinion.
I state, that I choose to take action instead of being upset. I also tell her that I'm well equipped to deal with things that come my way because I have faith in myself and in God, and it is NOT a blind faith. I also tell her that possessing the mentality that "things are bad," and that "things are going to worsen" will only entrench us further. I tell her that I'm secure in knowing that I will always rise above uncertainty and that I will always grow from difficult times because I know that I have the power and the abilities within myself to do so, and my purpose is to live my life for God not for other humans. Where ever I find myself is exactly where God wants me to be.
She was blown away by what I had told her and she started to cry, saying that she is so proud that I think that way and that she feels foolish for being flustered by propaganda.
THEN COMES THE REVELATION
She asks if she can tell me a joke. Hesitant, i agree to listen.
She speaks the following riddle to me.
You are a bus driver. You stop at the corner of 7th and 19th. You pick up 10 passangers. You drive 6 blocks to 10th and main and let off 5 passangers and 3 come on board. You drive 9 blocks and 18 passangers get off and 10 get on. Your destination is 3 miles away, you arrive there after a total drive time of 30 minutes. What color are the bus drivers eyes?
Then she tells me, to remember the very first words of the riddle. While here you can simply look back at the first words of the riddle, when they are being verbalized it is much harder to remember them, unless of course you TRULY LISTENED.
She told me that when she is engaged in conversation with people from now on she is going to always remember to ask herself, "what color are the bus drivers eyes?"
I'm so proud of my mom for still choosing to learn and to grow and for sharing this with me. In my recent state of affairs I too have forgetten or become so emotionally charged that I have not truly LISTENED. My lack of attentiveness has probably caused me to miss simple answers to many problems.
I love moments like this, especially when they are between my mom and I because they really only happen once every few years. I'm certainly glad that I did not dismiss the oppurtunity to hear the joke, and that I respected my mother enough to listen. I thank God that I was able to put aside my selfish desires for a few minutes because I became richly blessed with years of wisdom.
I state, that I choose to take action instead of being upset. I also tell her that I'm well equipped to deal with things that come my way because I have faith in myself and in God, and it is NOT a blind faith. I also tell her that possessing the mentality that "things are bad," and that "things are going to worsen" will only entrench us further. I tell her that I'm secure in knowing that I will always rise above uncertainty and that I will always grow from difficult times because I know that I have the power and the abilities within myself to do so, and my purpose is to live my life for God not for other humans. Where ever I find myself is exactly where God wants me to be.
She was blown away by what I had told her and she started to cry, saying that she is so proud that I think that way and that she feels foolish for being flustered by propaganda.
THEN COMES THE REVELATION
She asks if she can tell me a joke. Hesitant, i agree to listen.
She speaks the following riddle to me.
You are a bus driver. You stop at the corner of 7th and 19th. You pick up 10 passangers. You drive 6 blocks to 10th and main and let off 5 passangers and 3 come on board. You drive 9 blocks and 18 passangers get off and 10 get on. Your destination is 3 miles away, you arrive there after a total drive time of 30 minutes. What color are the bus drivers eyes?
Then she tells me, to remember the very first words of the riddle. While here you can simply look back at the first words of the riddle, when they are being verbalized it is much harder to remember them, unless of course you TRULY LISTENED.
She told me that when she is engaged in conversation with people from now on she is going to always remember to ask herself, "what color are the bus drivers eyes?"
I'm so proud of my mom for still choosing to learn and to grow and for sharing this with me. In my recent state of affairs I too have forgetten or become so emotionally charged that I have not truly LISTENED. My lack of attentiveness has probably caused me to miss simple answers to many problems.
I love moments like this, especially when they are between my mom and I because they really only happen once every few years. I'm certainly glad that I did not dismiss the oppurtunity to hear the joke, and that I respected my mother enough to listen. I thank God that I was able to put aside my selfish desires for a few minutes because I became richly blessed with years of wisdom.
Insight
A concerned Co worker called me and inquired as to my reason for deleting my social networking sites of which he was a "friend." He at first stated that he was shocked and then he himself deleted his! He called me to thank him, for waking him up to all that he was missing in life. He begin to tell me that he was finding himself concerned with others more than he was with his own self development and that he no longer wished to waste his life. What an amazing happening! I had not really connected with this fellow at work at first but as he shared with me his passion for photography, specifically surf photography, our relations grew. I have spent of course 13 hours at a time with him at work, talking and discussing life, arts, and philosophy between patients and OR cases of course.
He has taught me so many wonderful things, especially how to deal with "lame" women as he puts it. I will never forget the night that one of our co - workers was being a bit on the selfish and attitudinal side and projecting her 2 cents and righteousness into everything all the while criticizing everyone else. It brought for some interesting insights. The best part of the night was after the alleged woman, shouted at my comrade for singing out loud while doing his work (which he always does anyways), she tripped and fell flat on her butt in the middle of the unit. He helped her up, and dusted he off, being genuinely concerned for her well being. She was so embarrassed by this, and instantly ashamed at her actions over the period of the night. He looked at me, winked and said..."what goes around, comes around." Those words I have found to be so true. Although at times it is hard to find the comfort in those words it has been proven over time that you will be repaid for all of your actions, whether your payment brings suffering or joy is all up to the intentions and motives that rest within your heart.
He got me thinking about things that I have missed out on in life by being concerned with others and inspired this list.
Things That I Will No Longer Miss Out On.
Coffee or tea time.
Bike rides.
Time with my family.
Time with my cousins.
Time with my younger sisters.
Reading Books.
Research.
Studying Labor and Delivery
Obtaining my MS Degree and my RNP
Surfing, Surfing, and More Surfing.
Swimming.
Diving.
Hiking.
Physical Activity.
Dancing.
Writing and becoming published.
Photography.
Time with my father.
Travel.
Pure love.
Sigh, I still am a bit saddened by the fact that I have spent the last year engaged in shallow relations, bars, clubs, drinking, social networking sites, all the while playing the fool and questioning the whereabouts of depth of relation. I feel so ignorant for questioning meaningful relationships while all the while spending my time engaged in areas, and activities that foster nothing but shallow relations, supported by intoxication. Sigh.
He has taught me so many wonderful things, especially how to deal with "lame" women as he puts it. I will never forget the night that one of our co - workers was being a bit on the selfish and attitudinal side and projecting her 2 cents and righteousness into everything all the while criticizing everyone else. It brought for some interesting insights. The best part of the night was after the alleged woman, shouted at my comrade for singing out loud while doing his work (which he always does anyways), she tripped and fell flat on her butt in the middle of the unit. He helped her up, and dusted he off, being genuinely concerned for her well being. She was so embarrassed by this, and instantly ashamed at her actions over the period of the night. He looked at me, winked and said..."what goes around, comes around." Those words I have found to be so true. Although at times it is hard to find the comfort in those words it has been proven over time that you will be repaid for all of your actions, whether your payment brings suffering or joy is all up to the intentions and motives that rest within your heart.
He got me thinking about things that I have missed out on in life by being concerned with others and inspired this list.
Things That I Will No Longer Miss Out On.
Coffee or tea time.
Bike rides.
Time with my family.
Time with my cousins.
Time with my younger sisters.
Reading Books.
Research.
Studying Labor and Delivery
Obtaining my MS Degree and my RNP
Surfing, Surfing, and More Surfing.
Swimming.
Diving.
Hiking.
Physical Activity.
Dancing.
Writing and becoming published.
Photography.
Time with my father.
Travel.
Pure love.
Sigh, I still am a bit saddened by the fact that I have spent the last year engaged in shallow relations, bars, clubs, drinking, social networking sites, all the while playing the fool and questioning the whereabouts of depth of relation. I feel so ignorant for questioning meaningful relationships while all the while spending my time engaged in areas, and activities that foster nothing but shallow relations, supported by intoxication. Sigh.
Encounters
I said good bye to myspace and facebook and all other social networking accounts in the wee hours of the morning, namely around midnight. Suprisingly it was not a difficult choice or decision and there was not much hesitation. I know that when one is truly ready to make a change in their lives there is no hesitation, only certainty, and there was in fact an abundance of certainty.
I now find it amusing that prior to last night when I had pondered ridding my life of these vacuous time stealing traps, I was hesitant to do so. The necessity of depth and integrity requried for true social interaction and relationships obliteratied any attachement I may have had to these feints. I will admit I'm a tad ashamed that it has taken me such a great length of time to relinquish my attachement. There was a tinge of heartache when I realized that I spent great amounts of time with these vices. The heartache stemmed from the fact that I could have been fostering real relationships yet I allowed the superficial to be my muse. I feel a bit of a loss not for the sites, or the social networking, but I feel the loss of quality time I could have been spending with others.
Well they say a wise man (woman), only needs to learn once. Let us hope that I'm now that wise woman and I no longer fall vicitim to such superficial nonesense in this lifetime. I know that I'm dedicated to forming relationships with a deep substance and I'm hoping that in that I will not even need to be concerned with encounters of the superficial kind.
I now find it amusing that prior to last night when I had pondered ridding my life of these vacuous time stealing traps, I was hesitant to do so. The necessity of depth and integrity requried for true social interaction and relationships obliteratied any attachement I may have had to these feints. I will admit I'm a tad ashamed that it has taken me such a great length of time to relinquish my attachement. There was a tinge of heartache when I realized that I spent great amounts of time with these vices. The heartache stemmed from the fact that I could have been fostering real relationships yet I allowed the superficial to be my muse. I feel a bit of a loss not for the sites, or the social networking, but I feel the loss of quality time I could have been spending with others.
Well they say a wise man (woman), only needs to learn once. Let us hope that I'm now that wise woman and I no longer fall vicitim to such superficial nonesense in this lifetime. I know that I'm dedicated to forming relationships with a deep substance and I'm hoping that in that I will not even need to be concerned with encounters of the superficial kind.
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