Child Rearing

There are days when I think that I'm definitely ready to expand our little family, and add a baby, much like today. Then there are days when I cannot sleep at the thought of how I'm no way near ready to have a baby quite yet.

The reasons that I would love to have a baby are:

- A playmate.
- I want to nurture and influence life.
- I love children.
- I would love to share the world with a child.
- Erik and I both want a child.
- I'm getting older and my body is READY now.
- I'm more ready than I have ever been financially to have a child. (but i could be more ready)
- I want to share parenthood with my parents, inlaws, and loved ones that will not be around much longer.

The reasons I'm afraid:

- A child is a full time job
- I have issues in my life that I still need to come to terms with and there are aspects of my personality that i DON'T want to bring into rearing a child.
- The can be a scary and dangerous place for a child right now, these are uncertain times.
- A child is not a play toy or for convinence purposes, it requires love all of the time.
- My body is old and ready but it could weaken quickly.
- I'm not as financially ready as I would like to be.

So many people are telling me that having a child is easy, and things just come naturally but what I want for my children is something different than that. I want to be in a situation where I'm physcially and mentally healthy so that I can give my all to my children. I do not want negative influences from the outside world pressuring me into upset because my child will see and feel that. I don't think that it is fair that I bring a child into a situation where it could and would be affected by negative forces such as a bad economy, environment etc.

One of the ways in which I guage my "readiness" for having a child is by looking at the standards and requirements for ADOPTING a child. For adopting a child you must:

- Meet certain income requriements
- Preform at a certain level on academic/educational tasks.
- Be evaluated and critiqued by a psychiatrist.
- Preform at a certain standard on mental and personality inventories.
- Preform to certain standards on exams in regards to child rearing.

Now I have taken samples of the academic exams, we meet the financial requirements, I excelled in the area of child rearing but the personality and mental inventories are what discourage me.

Here is what I believe:

Life is a series of problems. From a basic level to the grander scheme of things life is about learning and we learn through solving problems. I ask myself constantly, "Julieann, do you want to moan and whine about your problems or solve them?" "Julieann, Do you want to teach your children to whine and moan or do you want to teach them to solve problems?" I agree that there are times when I much rather whine still, and that would NOT make for a good parent.

You see, disciplene is the basic set of tools which we require to solve life's problems. WITHOUT DISCIPLENE WE CAN SOLVE NOTHING, WITH ONLY SOME DISCIPLENE WE CAN SOLVE ONLY SOME PROBLEMS, BUT WITH TOTAL DISCIPLENE WE CAN SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS.

Both Jesus and Buddha taught this philosophy.

The whole process of meeting and solving problems is what gives life meaning.

Benjamin Franklin said: "Those things that hurt, instruct."

Wise people learn to not dread but to WELCOME problems. Most of us are not so wise, fearing the pain and anguish that comes with problem solving and self disciplene. Most of us attempt to avoid problems DENIYING looking at the WHAT IF scenarios, pretending that everything will be okay. The wise person looks at those things, prepares for them, and then moves on, that way if the WHAT IF's DO in fact arise the wise person is already equipped to deal with them.


What makes life difficult is the PROCESS of solving problems. Problems depending upon their nature evoke feelings of grief, frustration, saddness, guilt, lonlieness, regret, anger, anxiety, fear and even despair. Sometimes we choose to give into these feelings too much, as a parent YOUR JOB is to TEACH your children how to embrace these feelings and then USE THEM to solve problems. How do i teach a child that if I don't even completely know how?

PROBLEM SOLVING comes from DISCIPLENE. Self disciplne that is. When we teach ourselves and our children discipline, we are teaching them and ourselves how to suffer and also how to grow.

DISCIPLENE is actually not one thing or trait but rather a set of tools that are used to solve problems CONSTRUCTIVELY and FACE and DEAL appropriately with problems.

There are four tools of disciplene:

1 - Delaying of gratification
2 - Acceptance of responsibility
3 - Dedication to truth
4- Balancing

These tools are not complex. The problem is NOT in the COMPLEXITY of these tools but rather in the WILLINGNESS to use them. If one seeks to avoid legitimate suffering (and stunt their own growth) then owne will avoid using these tools.

THE KEY TO USING THESE TOOLS and what gives us the WILL to use these tools is LOVE.

The question that I have is, "Is my love for a child, for myself, strong enough to want to use these tools?"