Christmush

There is entirely too much to be done, however I beleive that occupying myself with these tasks will prevent me from dwelling on the bad economy which yesterday took a personal stab at me. I was put on MANDATORY on call yesterday. This means that the unit has not had enough patients to keep a full staff on and that it has been like that for a few days now. I took a VOLUNTARY on call 4 shifts ago, which means that I would be last on the list for MANDATORY on call. That means over the past 6 days they put 25 RN's on MANDATORY on call, so that they did not have to pay them! I wanted to work yesterday with hopes of making up for the little money that we did spend for the holidays.

Fortunately it is Christmas, and the time off I can use to spend preparing for the first holiday I have ever had completely off of work which is exciting for me. There is a lot to be done. Two families to prepare dishes for, gifts to be wrapped, children's projects for Christmas to bring, church clothes prepared, overnight bags packed for The Momma's and a house to clean! I also have to run into work to finish up some paperwork with H.R., drop off gifts for the nurses and turn in my liscensure updates.

In the midst of all of this I found a few hours last night alone. I parked myself on the couch and melted in to enjoy a soothing mug of green tea. Erik locked me out of the rooms upstairs so that he could wrap my gifts. I sat in silence in the living room taking in the solitude. I spent my few moments reminiscing about my friends and family. I found myself a bit sentimental as I evaluated the tree and the fact that its splendor was all due to the contribution of such lovely friends. I'm so grateful to have such beautiful people in my life. The snow flakes from the dinner party still hung upon the lamp. I couldn't help but chuckle remembering all of the dedication that went into the creation of those and how much laughter and joy lit up the room that evening! Lining the stair case the blank wall was no longer blank coverd with over 50 cards from friends, family, and loved ones sending us blessings for the holiday season. It was then that I realized that this room was quite warm, it was bursting at the seems with holiday spirit. There was so much love around me even in this moment of solitude! It just took some silencing of the mind and heart to realize that being lonely or alone merely a perception.

I'm a little sentimental this holiday season as it is my first holiday in five years that I get to enjoy without planning around work. I think being able to not have a complete holiday for quite some time has allowed me to appreciate what a holiday actually is. Despite the poor financial status that is occuring around us and so many this year, I'm happy because in it's place is true spirit.